To Nathan Page Jones Esq.

For the demonstration of exceptional courage and receiving of grave wounds in the line of duty you, Nathan Page Jones Esq., have been made honourable recipient of the Don Quixote Pooch-of-Valour Golden Crossed-Bones Cross.

We are thankful that on this fine day in August it was you that prevailed as master while, in a strange and temporarily-awkward twist of fate, it was the 200g block of Cadbury's milk chocolate that was revealed as mangey cur. Let us make no bones about it – had it not been for you Nathan Page Jones Esq., the esteemed Miss Simone and her erstwhile houseguests may very well, in the most outer realms of distant possibility, have fallen prey to an all-consuming and ultimately lethal glutinousness.

As you selflessly threw yourself bodily upon the enemy, rending dairy-milk asunder with tooth and claw* and also gusto, so too did you rend injustice asunder with your tenacity. And though your hunger for justice came at great personal cost, falling prey to an insidious chocolate-related illness, so you did triumph again over your cunning adversary and have yet to shuffle off this mortal coil.

Truly, every dog has his day and on Friday 25 August the day was yours. The sun set red in the west. But before fact stretches long in the shade to give way to legend, and then in turn to become myth, we ask that you accept this small honour, in token of our gratitude. For indeed, every man and his dog may now rest easy in safety and security.

In good health,

Christopher L. H. Cooper et Flora E. Payet

*but mostly tooth