- Christopher Cooper to No.2 Linthorpe Street
- No.2 Linthorpe Street to Christopher Cooper
- About This Correspondence
Figure 1.a. Letter (see transcript)
Dear Occuphants of No.2 Linthorpe Street,
I am writing to you, dear fellow and/or fellowettes, on behalf of the Erskinevillain Council Department of Perky, Chirpy, Happily Disingenuous Spirit Folk (or E.C.D.o.P.,C.,H.—D. S. F. for short). in the really-rather unlikely case you happen (however unlikely... I regard it as highly unlikely) you are not so familiar with or directly aware of our marginally circumspect (we here at the E.C.D.o.P.,C.,H.—D.S.F. tend to occupy more the peripheral-vision part of the postcode) & moderately but humbly verbose faculty it is my pleasure to inform you that we represent all spiritely beings & bits & bobs that have come to include sparrow-spleets, & silly-sprites, spooky-spectres & spangled-spooks, squiggle-spirits & scunging-shlooks, summering-scrooges & scralloped-stooges, smighty-swizzles & spotted-springers (among others). It is worth noting at this point that we bear no affinity with (at all), and even a fairly considerable dislike of, Ms Rowling's Mr Potter and his 'lot'. At one point we were accused of being Postmodern (an accusation indeed!) but it was all quite officially struck out as "Total Hogwash".
It has come to our attention here at the E.C.D.o.P.,C.,H.—D.S.F. that your dear prayer flags, that were once so cheerfully multicultural in their colourful inclinations, have now become bleached bony white. This has come to our attention in a really-rather slow, drab dull-ache-growing-pain, un-Hollywood-car-chase, minute-by-painful-minute, watching-paint-dry kind of a way. The down-shot (opposite of upshot, rather like a shoddy shot-put) of this bony whiting of the prayer flags is that they have ceased to be of any spiritual value Whatsoever. All their auspicious blessings have been blow. So much so that they are now quite clearly blessing-less.
Moreso, I take no pleasure at all at all in informing you that we have received complaints from your cohabitant borrowers, The Jollywrinkles, on no less that 574 consecutive occasions. I would rather Not draw your attention to their friendly and epistolarian cohabitation of your happy plot BUT your bony white blessing-less prayer flags have giver way to a string (or spate) of spiritual interlopers and party-goers. Sponglish-scrufflebunks have been schlepping your silver spoons. Scurrilous-scurvies have been skiving off in your steel spittoons. SPURLING-SURLEYS HAVE BEEN STICKING STIFLING, SMELLY SIRLOIN STRUDEL IN THE SPLIPPERS OF THE SORRY JOLLYWRINKLES! IN WILL NOT DO!
Pardon me. Typewriter. Can't take it back, not now, not after spelling out all those blasted, interminable acronyms.
This is a sorry state of affairs but I write to you on behalf of the E.C.D.etc with the very best of spiritual intentions. if you wish to contact us with regards any of the aforementioned so-and-so's please do not hesitate to post you reply to a fairly high-up spot (quite high up , yes
x) and upside down on the telegraph pole nearest the front door of No.2 Linthorpe Street.
All the very smelly best,
Figure 2.a. Fresh prayer flags
About This Correspondence
Prayer flags become useless without colour. One of the neighbourhood townhouses had some of these useless, faded prayer flags strung across the threshold so I decided to do something about it – I sent a letter. The unknown occupants promptly responded to the anonymous letter by replacing their prayer flags within the week.